I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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