He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
