Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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