hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
