Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
