We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
