I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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