we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
