You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
BRING THE BAGELS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
