Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
