I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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