My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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