so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
