having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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