I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
