every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
