A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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