Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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