Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
