I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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