If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
