I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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