You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
