Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
