they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
