So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
