Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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