You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
there is puke in my bra ... again
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