I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
