i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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