I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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