Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
