i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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