i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
