worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
