I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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