Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
