Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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