Just took my morning after pill in the library
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
