stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's get the cat blown out
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
