So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
