hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Green mimosas i think yes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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