Got a toothbrush?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
