Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
