Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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