i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
