Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
