You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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