i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
