My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
