end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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