We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize