im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
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she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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