All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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