I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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