it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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