After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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