i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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