There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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