First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
