if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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