I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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