I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
