ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The beer is more important than you right now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
