**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
