yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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