i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
