Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
