The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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