I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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