Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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