theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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