whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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