Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
