Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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