So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
